Showing a Chinese Family You’re Serious About Marrying Their Daughter

The problem with dating someone from another country is the fact that you are basically dealing with the unknown.

She may be a great girl, and you definitely know enough about her to want to be with her so much. But you’re from the west, and can’t understand a single word in Chinese. Before you met her, the most exposure you had to authentic Chinese culture was that you’d order takeout from Panda express.

Now, if you have any intentions of marrying her, it may be in your best interest to collect little bits of knowledge of her cultural background.

One of those bits of knowledge that some people, specifically men who didn’t grow up in Chinese culture, lack is how to win over a Chinese girl’s family. They don’t know about what Chinese parents want in a potential son-in-law. They don’t know how to get the extended family on their side. They just don’t know.

But guys who are dating Chinese women are going to need to know these things because if they don’t, they won’t be dating those Chinese women for very long.

Now, it’s not just about knowing about Chinese culture. Anyone can go online and do some research. If you want to win them over, you’re going to have to show them that you’re serious about being with their daughter.

Get serious about education or at least pretend to be

In China, and a lot of Asia as a whole, education is of the utmost importance. People want their kids not just to go to college but to get an advanced degree if that’s possible or practical for their field of work. The belief is that a good education will lead to a good job and that will lead to a prosperous life. Raising their kids to have a prosperous life is the endgame for Chinese parents.

Part of that prosperous life also involves making sure that their children marry well so that person also raises their children to have prosperous lives. So if you don’t have an advanced degree that leads to a six-figure income (at the minimum), then you need to show that you want your future kids to have the advanced degree and six-figure income (at the minimum).

Be serious about marriage

In China, dating casually is not something that’s done a lot. In the west, playing the field might be the norm. But that’s not how things are done in China. People date with the intention of getting married, not just because they want someone for the moment or because they’re testing the waters. They dive right in.

There are a lot of women in China who want to get married by thirty. And many of them succeed, since the average age at which women there get married is 25.

But when they miss that mark and find themselves creeping closer and closer to 30, they might start to panic, get a little frantic, and may start chomping at the bit to walk down the aisle.

And they aren’t the only ones who get anxious. Their families strongly want them to marry as well, so they are always keeping tabs. So as their child ages, they might start to think that she might never have that particular right of passage. In many cases, the family takes matters into their own hands, by setting their daughter up with a man, even though they may not necessarily like each other.

So if you want to get a Chinese family to sign off on you, then you’re going to have to show them that you’re not going to drag your feet about walking down the altar. Show them that you want to get married. Maybe even buy an engagement ring beforehand just to show that you’re playing for keeps.

Bring gifts, not as bribes but because you’re being polite

If your parents didn’t tell you, you’re not supposed to show up at someone’s home empty-handed. If you’re invited to a dinner at someone’s home, then it’s only polite to bring the hosts a nice bottle of wine. It doesn’t have to be wine, but showing up empty-handed is a bit of a faux pas.

In China, for example, if you show up at a Chinese New Year’s party, then you need to have red envelopes ready for all the kids and the single people. You can also ask your girlfriend if her family expects you to bring them something. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

Maybe get your finances in order

Do you know what a bride price is? It’s wealth paid by the groom’s family to the bride’s family. It can come in the form of either money or property. Either way, the groom and his family are going to have to shell out.

It may not be romantic, but paying a bride price has become quite common in recent years and it’s become especially common in more rural areas. So if you’re thinking about marrying a Chinese girl and she’s from an area that’s kind of a rural area.

So if you’re serious about marriage and you want to convey that seriousness, you need to get a financial plan in order so that you’re able to pay the bride price that you have to pay in order to get married.

Maybe buy some property

Related to the above, you may have to buy some property in China for your lady love. Obviously, this is something that you should do if you have the means to do so, but owning property is a commitment, kind of like getting married. Some women in China want to be given rather extravagant gifts by their boyfriends.

In China, it’s the norm for the man to pay for everything, so families will want their daughters to marry a man of means. Paying the bride price and giving your wife-to-be an extravagant gift will show that you have those means.

Don’t let that scare you though. Now that you know it’s “normal,” you can figure out whether that’s in the cards or not.

Get red

This may not be something that gets her family to see you as son-in-law material, but you should probably wear red. In Chinese culture, it’s the color of good fortune and it’s the color of celebration. It’ll make you look like you respect their culture to a certain extent, which can’t hurt your chances of them signing off on you.

The patriarchal structures in China make it so that the man is the head of the family. This also means that a woman isn’t likely to get married unless her father agrees to the union and the mother usually has her husband’s ear. So any man that wants to marry a Chinese woman is going to need to get on her parents’ good side.