Managing Long-Distance Relationships with Chinese Women

One of the biggest pitfalls of dating foreign women is that being foreign, they’re not always in the same city or even the same country as you. That distance can make dating hard. It’s not like you can spontaneously meet up for lunch or dinner or just hang out on a random night. No, if you want to get together, you have to plan it all out. There’s a lot of logistics involved if you want to take her out to dinner.

Given the number of hoops you might find yourself having to jump through, you might find yourself thinking about the sunk cost fallacy and whether or not you’ve fallen into it.

If you’re uninitiated, it’s when someone puts so much time and effort into something that they fail to see that they’d be better off just cutting ties and moving on. But they’ve invested too much that they’re determined to see some kind of return, even if that return isn’t worth it. A part of you might start to think that it’d be better to find a partner that’s a little less geographically challenging.

But what if you haven’t fallen into the sunk cost fallacy? What if things are hard right now but they’re about to get better? What if all that time and effort you’re putting into the relationship is building up to a big payoff where you end up happy? What if there’s a pot of gold at the end of a particularly tumultuous rainbow that extends all the way from where you are to China?

Remember that she’s in the same boat as you

There’s an ocean between you and your love and not a metaphorical one, but a literal ocean. And not just any ocean, but the Pacific Ocean, the largest ocean that’s got the Pacific Ring of Fire, which is known for volcanic activity.

Basically, there’s a lot of distance between you and her. You might not even be able to text or Zoom or Skype or FaceTime because of differences in your respective time zones.

But that distance goes both ways. If you’re missing her and feeling frustrated that you can’t just pop over to her place to see her, she’s probably feeling the same way. That frustration that’s gnawing at you from the back of your head? She’s got it, same as you.

It doesn’t shorten the distance at all. But it does help to know that your partner is in the exact same boat as you.

Set clear channels of communication

Communication is an important aspect of any relationship but it’s particularly important if the relationship is long-distance. So it’s vital to open clear channels of communication between the two of you.

Remember that the internet in mainland China may look somewhat different than the internet in your country. To find an app that works for both of you and set a time that you guys can communicate on that app.

Carve out time in your days where you’re both still awake so you guys can catch up. It’s not quite being together, but it’s the next best thing.

Remind them that you care

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or at least it’s supposed to. Sometimes, the absence can make a heart go wander. So when you’re talking on that app that you found, make sure to let her know that you care. It doesn’t have to be anything overly romantic or extravagant. Just make sure that you manage to get your point across to her. Make sure she becomes aware of your continuing fondness so as to encourage her own fondness.

Talk about your days

Something that many couples do is talk about their days. Maybe a coworker got on their bad side. Maybe they did well at work. Those are the kind of things that people say to their partners. It’s the kind of thing that a couple that’s settled and satisfied does.

Now, just because you’re not together doesn’t mean you can at least put on a facade of being settled and satisfied with each other.

Take them out on dates

So taking your lovely lady out on a date might be a little complicated. It’s not like you can just pull up to her house with a reservation somewhere nice because your restaurant of choice is a little more than 7200 miles away from her.

But that’s where globalization comes in. Find a restaurant that’s in both of your cities and order food from there. Once you both get your food, turn on your video app of choice and enjoy your dinner date that might be brunch for her or vice-versa. It may not be the same as sitting at the same table together, but it’s a whole lot better than eating alone and in silence.

Send gifts

One way to make long-distance a little less unbearable is to send gifts. Send her something to remind her of you. Don’t go overboard with it, but maybe a few little gifts every few weeks or so to keep the memory of you and your love from fading.

Have a clear endgame in mind

Before construction workers break ground on a new building, they already know what that building is going to look like. They know which steel beam goes where to form the thing that’s going to become either an office or a bathroom or whatever. They have an endgame in mind, a clear goal that they’re working towards.

Your relationship should be the exact same way. You should already have an endgame in mind before you take the first step.

You need to have a goal when it comes to your relationship. You can’t just stay long-distance forever. At some point, you have to stop treading water and then start swimming to the shore.

Long-distance relationships can be rather difficult to navigate. A lot of the time, it can feel like it’s not worth the trouble. And sometimes, it’s not. Sometimes, it’s better to just cut your losses. But other times, it is worth it. Other times, cutting your losses is the absolute worst thing that you could do.